31 Hilarious Zach Galifianakis Quotes

Zach Galifianakis is an American actor, comedian, and writer from North Carolina.

We’ve put together this huge collection of what we believe to be the best Zach Galifianakis quotes to make you laugh!

Check them out:


31 Zach Galifianakis Quotes

1. “My comfort zone is press conferences.” – Zach Galifianakis

2.“At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?” – Zach Galifianakis

3.“I’m not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I’m cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.” – Zach Galifianakis

4.“A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don’t kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name — and you’ve never been to that bar before.” – Zach Galifianakis

5. “My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don’t really do a character thing in stand-up. It’s just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.” – Zach Galifianakis

6.“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis

7. “I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me.” – Zach Galifianakis

8. “I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, ‘Dude, Where’s My Spaceship’” – Zach Galifianakis


9th of 31 Zach Galifianakis Quotes

9. “I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It’s a lonely world. Like I’m a pirate. Obviously, she doesn’t know her son that well.” – Zach Galifianakis


10. “I don’t like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That’s kind of the advantage of stand up. You’re self-employed.” – Zach Galifianakis

11. “I have never been much of a groomer. I’ve had women smell me and say that should be bottled. They might have been putting mint leaves on their balls, but [your scent] is grown naturally. I have really good dating advice.” – Zach Galifianakis

12. “I’m terrible at heights. I hate it. I’m glad I’m only 5’7″.” – Zach Galifianakis

13. “It’s fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don’t play on emotion too much.” – Zach Galifianakis

14. “The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.” – Zach Galifianakis

15. “I like sensitive art-house movies. I’m not even much of a partier. I mean, I’ll drink myself into oblivion alone in my car.” – Zach Galifianakis

16. “I’m the most mellow person offstage. I think it’s just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I’m too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I’d rather do it in front of 1,000 people who’ve paid $25 to see me lose my mind.” – Zach Galifianakis

17. “I don’t want my personal life to change. I don’t understand why people strive for [fame].” – Zach Galifianakis

18. “If you read my blog, you know I’m a Pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.” – Zach Galifianakis

19. “I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn’t seem too preachy because you’re also making people laugh, so it’s really kind of a good tool for messaging.” – Zach Galifianakis

20. “I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.” – Zach Galifianakis

21. “I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.” – Zach Galifianakis


22nd of 31 Zach Galifianakis Quotes

22. “I wish I could sit back and say, ‘Oh, I’m gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it’s called. That’s my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.” – Zach Galifianakis


23. “I once walked in on my grandparents making love…And that’s why I don’t eat raisins.” – Zach Galifianakis

24. “Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.” – Zach Galifianakis

25. “I was just thinking how unfortunate it’d be to be a fat girl named Candy.” – Zach Galifianakis

26. “I get burned out on standup. I do like it just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just freer. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.” – Zach Galifianakis

27. “As a comic, it’s anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. I’m very trepidatious about it.” – Zach Galifianakis

28. “I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.” – Zach Galifianakis

29. “When a role seems fun it’s easy to play. It kind of comes organically.” – Zach Galifianakis


30th of 31 Zach Galifianakis Quotes

30. “People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother’s basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all that stuff. And then I’ve been asked to auditions.” – Zach Galifianakis


31. “I think if they put a laugh track on ‘Intervention,’ it would be funny.” – Zach Galifianakis


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