35 Incredible Bill Maher Quotes

Which are your favorite Bill Maher quotes?

Bill Maher is an American comedian, actor, and TV host who is known for his political satire, comedy, and sociopolitical commentary. He began his career as a comedian and actor.

Maher has his own talk show called ‘Real Time with Bill Maher’. He ranked at number 38 on Comedy Central’s 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all time, and also He received a ‘Hollywood Walk of Fame’ star in 2010.

Here’s a collection of the most incredible Bill Maher quotes:


35 Incredible Bill Maher Quotes

1. “I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.” – Bill Maher

2. “If you think you have it tough, read history books.” – Bill Maher

3. “Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.” – Bill Maher

4. “Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.” – Bill Maher

5. “They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.” – Bill Maher

6. “We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.” – Bill Maher

7. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

8. “I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?” – Bill Maher

9. “If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you’d resign in protest.” – Bill Maher


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10. “Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?” – Bill Maher


11. “Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.” – Bill Maher

12. “The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won’t say it.” – Bill Maher

13. “To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who’s your real friend? It’s the person who tells you the truth. That’s who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.” – Bill Maher

14. “When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.” – Bill Maher

15. “Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.” – Bill Maher

16. “I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.” – Bill Maher

17. “Kids. They’re not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.” – Bill Maher

18. “President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn’t a Nazi, he wouldn’t have any credibility with conservatives at all.” – Bill Maher

19. “The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.” – Bill Maher


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20. “This is a ridiculous heatwave we’re in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.” – Bill Maher


21. “What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.” – Bill Maher

22. “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.” – Bill Maher

23. “I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.” – Bill Maher

24. “Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.” – Bill Maher

25. “Men are only as loyal as their options.” – Bill Maher

26. “The country has become much more conservative, partly because it’s been taken over by the religious right.” – Bill Maher

27. “This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.” – Bill Maher

28. “We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.” – Bill Maher

29. “Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.” – Bill Maher


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30. “I never thought I’d say this: what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.” – Bill Maher


31. “Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, Please, I used to pull the same trick. There’d be an intervention, I’d make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.” – Bill Maher

32. “Maybe every other American movie shouldn’t be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.” – Bill Maher

33. “The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.” – Bill Maher

34. “Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?” – Bill Maher

35. “We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That’s cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it’s not cowardly.” – Bill Maher



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