45 Most Brutal Simon Cowell Quotes

Simon Cowell is an English television music, talent competition judge, entrepreneur, and television personality. Cowell is best known as the judge on the British TV talent competitions series Pop Idol, The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent.

He often makes blunt and controversial comments as a television show judge, including insults and wisecracks about contestants and their singing abilities. 

We’ve created this collection of brutal Simon Cowell quotes: 


45 Brutal Simon Cowell Quotes 

1. “In every single way that was just everything I hated.” – Simon Cowell

2. “Don’t sing again.” – Simon Cowell 

3. “Vanessa, if anyone ever asks me in my life what my nightmares look and sound like, I’m gonna refer to that.” – Simon Cowell 

4. “There is as much chance of you being a pop star or a rock star as me flying to the moon tomorrow morning for breakfast. It’s never going to happen.” – Simon Cowell 

5. “It was a little bit like… uh… annoying girl singing in the bedroom.”  – Simon Cowell 

6. “Last year, I described someone as being the worst singer in America. I think you’re possibly the worst singer in the world.” – Simon Cowell 

7. “You just put through a giraffe.”  – Simon Cowell 

8. “It was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun.”  – Simon Cowell 

9. “Thank you. No.” – Simon Cowell


10th of 45 Simon Cowell Quotes

10. “I can honestly say you’re the worst singer in America.” – Simon Cowell 


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11. “If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.” – Simon Cowell 


12. “It says here you work as a wedding singer? How many ended in divorce?” – Simon Cowell

13. “You’ve just invented a new form of torture.” – Simon Cowell

14. “I’m not being rude, but you were that bad honestly. I mean my pen has got more charisma.” – Simon Cowell 


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15. “That whole audition was something I would expect to hear outside Magic Mountain at Disney.” Simon Cowell


16. “That was exactly identical to a nightmare I had last week.” – Simon Cowell

17. “You look like a pen salesman.” – Simon Cowell

18. “You better hope there’s a lot of girls watching this with the volume turned down.” – Simon Cowell

19. “I couldn’t hear anymore.” – Simon Cowell


20th of 45 Simon Cowell Quotes

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20. “Well, if you were to move on, it would be without me judging this competition.” – Simon Cowell


21. “I think you invented notes never ever before heard in music on that audition.” – Simon Cowell 

22. “You couldn’t win this competition if you were the only one in it… in a million years.” – Simon Cowell 

23. “Can I stop this? Because I’m bored out of my mind.” – Simon Cowell

24. “There are only so many words I can drag out of my vocabulary to say how awful that was.” – Simon Cowell


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25. “I was bored to tears throughout the entire song.”  – Simon Cowell


26. “You will never, ever, ever be a singer.” – Simon Cowell

27. “If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you.” – Simon Cowell

28. “If the judging criteria or the voting criteria here was to vote people through for managing to sing every note out of tune, you would win tonight.” – Simon Cowell

29. “And it wasn’t even good enough for a hotel lobby.” – Simon Cowell


30th of 45 Simon Cowell Quotes 

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30. “It was honestly, it was torture.” – Simon Cowell


31. “The reality is, there’s not a single person on planet earth who would ever pay to hear you sing.” – Simon Cowell

32. “You just killed every cat in Denver.” – Simon Cowell

33. “There was absolutely nothing redeeming in it other than the fact that we stopped it early.” – Simon Cowell

34. “It was all a little bit like angry girl in the bedroom screaming on the guitar.” – Simon Cowell

35. “My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don’t.” – Simon Cowell

36. “Even your dog is struggling to get out of the room after that.” – Simon Cowell

37. “Go to an audition where they lie to you. Thank you very much.”  – Simon Cowell

38. “No, we’re not going to give you any love. It was a terrible audition.” – Simon Cowell 

39. “It’s just rubbish.” – Simon Cowell


40th of 45 Simon Cowell Quotes

40. “15 Thousand people auditioned in Cleveland and yet the odds of you getting in are a million to one.” – Simon Cowell


41. “Yes you have personality, but dogs have personality. The audition, if I’m being honest with you, was horrible.” – Simon Cowell

42. “America would hate you.” – Simon Cowell

43. “You have the personality of a mouse.” – Simon Cowell

44. “If you were to progress in this competition and God forbid win, I think you could single-handedly close down this show.” – Simon Cowell

45. “Just get out. Just leave.”  – Simon Cowell 



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Which are your favorite Simon Cowell quotes? Leave a comment below. 

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